Tuesday’s Tips

To Talk or Not To Talk…

 

 

The other day my husband stopped to chat with a neighbor about a truck sitting in the driveway.  While talking with the husband, his wife walked up and stood by.  He attempted to engage her in the conversation as well, by asking her a few questions about where she was from, etc.  When my beloved got back into our van, he commented, “It’s a strange thing.  They seem to be nice folks, but I couldn’t figure out the wife.  It’s almost like she didn’t want to talk.”

That got me thinking about how we as wives can tear down our husbands.  Actually, there are two ways, and both are the ditches on either side of the road. 

We can dominate our husbands by being either outwardly opinionated, or by being subtly and quietly opinionated.  Both are extremes and show our hearts.  Now, I don’t know if that’s what the neighbor lady was doing or not, but I do know that a woman often expresses her opinion one way or another.

You know how it is.  Your husband is talking with someone.  Maybe they are talking about vehicles, and your hubby, out of the blue, says that he’d like to buy a new car.  “Well, that’s news to me,” you think.  “Why didn’t we talk about this before these guys started talking about it??  I sure hope he’s not going to make some wild decision without consulting me first!”

You sit in stewing silence, lips pursed, knowing that if you said anything, it would not be nice.  Ask me how I know?  I’ve been there.  OR, you could jump in with something like, “Now wait a minute!  Are you really thinking of buying a new car?” Suddenly at least four eyes turn to you as though you were an alien that just landed from another planet.  It’s a sure conversation-stopper!  Ask me how I know?  I’ve done it!

Looking back, I can see I was not trusting the Lord enough to just let Him deal in the situation.  And really, that’s what it boils down to: trust in God.  Sarah obeyed Abraham, trusting in who?  In Abraham?  I don’t think so.  Trusting in God! 

Let’s ask the Lord to help us trust more in him, and not tear down our husbands.

Alone, Yet Not Alone, part 2

(As part of the “Musings of Military Missions on Mondays,” I am writing a fiction story to show what many of our military wives go through regularly – lonliness.  See my post last Monday for part 1 of the story.)

Jamie’s eyes followed the doctor out the door of her hospital room.  It can’t be! She thought.  No, no, no!  This just can’t be!  Her heart sank as she tried to recall what the doctor had said about her newborn baby girl. 

“It’s a lung problem,” he told her.  “She seems to have a small hole in the lung, and she wasn’t breathing well on her own.  Though she appears to be doing alright at the moment, she needs to stay in NICU for awhile, so this can be taken care of.”

Jamie struggled to remember everything he said, but it all seemed so confusing, and there was no one to talk to the doctor for her.  She bitterly recalled that she was here – alone.  So very alone.

Her eyes filled with tears as she thought of her baby, struggling for her first breath and being unable to take one.  To think that her own daughter would be strung up to tubes, wires, and monitors just to survive!

To make matters worse, she had been unable to contact her husband deployed in Iraq.  Her heart longed to tell him, somehow, that their baby had been born; to let him know that she was having troubles, and desperately needed her father’s prayers.  She yearned to hear his deep gentle voice as he spoke to God in prayer and to know everything would be all right.  If he were here, he could go make sure the baby was being taken care of, and could ask the doctor the questions she seemed unable to think of.

A dark cloud settled over the young mother as she lay in her bed recovering from her emergency cesarean.  She tried to pray, but words simply would not come.   She knew God knew her heart, and that He understood her heart cry.  She lay in the dark softly weeping until she heard a nurse come into the room.

“Are you doing ok?” the nurse eyed her keenly.

Jamie wiped her eyes and smiled wanly.  Brushing back a wayward hair, she replied, “I’m ok, I guess.  Just a touch of the baby blues.” 

The nurse nodded understandingly.  “Hey, are you the one whose husband is gone?” she asked, wrapping her blood pressure cuff around Jamie’s arm.

“Yeah,” Jamie replied, tears threatening to spill over again.  “He’s in Iraq, and I have no way to get in touch with him.”

“Do you have anyone who can help you when you go home?”

“Not really.  I’m new here, and I don’t know anyone yet.” Jamie answered.

The nurse stopped and looked at her inquisitively.  “Really?” 

“Really,” Jamie replied flatly. 

The nurse paused for a moment, thinking, and then patted Jamie’s arm.  “You rest, now.  We’ll see what we can do to get some help for you,” she muttered as she went out the door, but Jamie had already drifted back into a fitful sleep and didn’t hear.

The next day, a different nurse seemed to make it her mission to get Jamie moving and out of bed.  “The more you move, the faster you heal,” she told her.  Jamie wasn’t sure if it could possibly be true, but this nurse didn’t take “no” for an answer.  Though the pain was incredible, Jamie bit her lip and slowly, ever so slowly stood, leaning on the IV pole.  With help from the nurse, she slowly shuffled out the door and made her way to the nursery.

Her heart beating fast, Jamie wondered, What does my baby look like?  Is she going to be ok?  To the young mother, the short corridor seemed a mile long.  Finally she arrived at the window of the Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit.  Her heart seemed to stop as she scanned the glass incubators, her eyes finally coming to rest on a little bald red baby with the namecard “Martin.”

She was completely unprepared to see her own baby tangled in a mass of wires, tubes, and monitors.  There were tubes in her nose, and a tiny IV in her foot.  Several pads on her chest relayed information about the baby’s heart rate and breathing to the cold monitors blipping by her incubator.  The whole scene seemed so surreal and unnatural, yet here was her baby, struggling for life.

Suddenly the baby squirmed, whimpered, and began to cry the most pathetic little cry Jamie ever heard.  The overpowering desire to pick her up and cradle her flooded through her.  It seemed to most brutal torment to watch her own baby cry and be helpless to do anything to help her.  Jamie burst into tears.

Oh, God, she prayed, closing her eyes and steadying herself on the windowsill.  You have said that Your grace is sufficient.  I need a little bit of that grace right now.  The baby needs a lot of that grace, Lord.  Please help us!

Back in her bed once more, Jamie reached for her Bible, and with trembling hands carefully thumbed through the well-worn pages.  She remembered a saying from her pastor in the church she attended before moving.  “There is balm in the psalms,” he would say, adding, “When your heart needs healing, head for the psalms.  God graciously poured out His love for us there.” 

Her eyes quickly scanned the pages and came to rest on Psalm 37.  The words of verses three and four seemed to leap off the page directly into her weary heart.  “Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.  Delight thyself also in the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall give thee the desires of thy heart.  Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him, and he shall bring it to pass.”   

Jamie closed her eyes.  Before going into the hospital she had read all the books and taken childbirth classes.  No, this was not at all the way the birth was supposed to go!  The fear, cold and clammy, was there in the delivery room, and the dark and forboding loneliness, oh, such loneliness!  Then there was the frustration and helplessness of being unable to do anything to help her little girl.  But God had been gracious and strengthened her and given her His presence, which was more important to her than anything else in the world.  And He knew what was best.  She knew she could trust Him.

There in her lonely hospital room, as Jamie poured her heart out unto the Lord, He filled her soul with that calm soothing peace that comes only from a deep abiding trust in Him.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, a commander received a message from the Red Cross.  Carefully unfolding the paper, he wiped the sweat from his brow and read:

            “Sgt. Martin’s wife delivered a baby girl and needs her husband to come home”

The commander sighed a deep sigh, shook his head, and grumbled, “Who do they think they are?  I can’t just send any soldier home every time his wife has a baby!  We’ve got a war to win!”  He took out his pen and hastily scribbled his response.

            “Permission denied,”

and handed the paper back to the messenger, who saluted smartly and quickly went out.

….to be continued

 

 

Our Current Read

Since our kids have been asking some interesting and unusual questions lately, I thought it was a good time to read an excellent book on the delicate subject of pregnancy, etc.  Susie’s Babies, written by E. Margaret Clarkson, deals with the story of a pet hamster who has babies and the teacher who gently explains God’s special plan for families.

It is an excellent book to use as a springboard for explaining the importance of marriage to children, and how sex before marriage ruins relationships.

Click on this link for more information!

https://www.homeschoolingbooks.com/pages/itemdetail.asp?ItemID=894

HAPPY HIGHWAYS!

 Travelling with Little Ones – Getting Enough Rest (the kids, that is!)

My son Jason is now a rambunctious, happy 4-year old.  For the three months of his life, we lived in a house in California while we worked with the Marine Corps.  Then, the Lord changed our plans, and we spent the next 3 years on the road, living in a travel trailer.  Of course, when you live on the road, and pull a trailer, the whole family must ride in the tow vehicle, which at this time just happened to be a 15-passenger Ford van.  At the time, all 7 kids were living with us, and so it was quite a trip, to say the least!  So, Jason has spent more than half of his life on the road!

Keeping an active toddler happy in the car seat is no small feat in itself.  But I have found that all of my kids get cranky mainly for two reasons: they are either hungry, or tired.  (As a matter of fact, those are the main reasons I get cranky!)  As I said before in my other Happy Highways post, I try to always keep some sort of snack on hand for any trip of almost any length.   I find this to be very helpful both to me and the children.

Here’s some ideas to help you keep the kids from getting tired and wired:

1.       Make sure you take any favorite bedtime things with you. 

My son Jason likes to take his quilt and his toy beanie cow.  Johanna takes her pillow and her stuffed panda bear.  Lydia, who is 9 years old now, still likes to take a blanket to bed and a few choice stuffed animals.  I say this just to show that each child is different, and each one has certain things that he or she likes to bring.  I try to make certain that we have those things as we travel, to gie the kids a “homey” sort of feel.  It just makes them more comfortable and relaxed.

 

2.        Try to keep their bedtime routine the same.

Our bedtime routine includes family devotions, brushing teeth, making sure everyone has used the bathroom.  Then I say memory verses with them and pray with them.  This helps them to think of the Lord as they go to sleep, and they always know that Mom is praying for them.  If we are driving late, I try to keep the routine the same.  It may be one of the only ways they know they are supposed to be sleeping!

 

3.       Try to keep their naptimes consistent, too.

We may be driving, but kids still get tired, and they still need their naps.  In our naptime routine, I read some books to Jason, put him to bed, say verses with him and pray with him.  Of course, most of his bedtimes include a good tickling!  As we drive, I may not be able to actually put him to bed, but if I go through the normal routine with him and give him his favorite bedtime things, he knows he’s supposed to go to sleep.  Sometimes I even tell him just to rest quietly, since even that is a help.  When he was younger, he would almost always sleep, but now he sometimes just rests.  Even the rest time is good for him, though, and good for the rest of us, I might add!

Maybe some of these ideas will give you a boost on your next trip!

Tuesday’s Tips.. on Wednesday?

We’re a little behind this week, but we’ll get her going now!

I have checked into a new alternative to Paypal, called Revolution Money Exhange.  RME is a free service, and does not charge money to do a transaction like paypal does.  It came to me highly recommended, and I checked into the site and feel it is legitamite, so I went ahead and signed up.  If you sign up before May 15, 2008, you can get $25! 

Check it out! 

Alone, Yet Not Alone

This is a fiction story, but it happens all the time.  Many of our military wives have to face the valley of the shadow of death in the worst state imaginable – alone. 

 

Wincing as another wave of pain washed over her, Jamie tried vainly to focus on the clock on the wall of her labor room.  The soft, rhythmic splush-splush sound that indicated the baby’s heartbeat seemed to get louder and just a bit faster as the contraction peaked, and then slowed a bit again as the contraction monitor indicator went back down.  Jamie sighed and shook her head, hoping it would clear her sluggish brain.  She reached for some ice chips to cool her parched lips, letting her mind drift to the last day she had seen her husband, the day he left for Iraq.

She remembered watching him stride off into the plane in his army uniform, his pack slung over his shoulder.  Just before reaching the door, he turned, locked her eyes with his, smiled his lopsided grin and waved.  Was it really only a month ago? She wondered.  They were both so looking forward to this baby, their first, and now he was overseas.  That one month seemed to last forever. 

Her reverie was broken by another contraction, this one even more brutal than the last.  Her breath came in sharp gasps, though she tried valiantly to control it, and the pain was almost unbearable.  She heard someone enter the room, a nurse maybe, and check the instruments.  “You’re doing real well,” the nurse told Jamie when the contraction was over.  Jamie smiled weakly and mumbled her thanks.  She was just about to try to tell the nurse how the Lord has been giving her strength, when she was interrupted by another contraction.

Through this whole month she had felt so very alone, and yet she knew God was with her, strengthening her.  She had been dreading going through labor and delivery by herself, but she simply didn’t know anyone well enough in this area yet to invite them to the labor room with her, having only moved to Fort Benning three months ago.  And so, when her husband got deployed to Iraq, she knew she was facing a lonely delivery.  But even though her faith was strong, she was totally unprepared for the valley she was about to enter.

The nurse had checked her and discovered that the baby was breach, and that the cord was prolapsed, or coming out first.  This made a normal delivery impossible, since the oxygen supply to the baby would be cut off during the whole pushing phase.  Jamie was still trying to make sense of the words the nurse said before running out the door, “emergency cesarean!”  As the next wave of pain struck her, Jamie felt so terribly alone – and afraid.  Through the pain, she wondered if the Lord was still in control.  Her heart poured forth her burdens in prayer. Oh God, please give me the strength to have this baby, and may it be healthy.  You are the only one who can help me!

Within seconds, the room erupted in a whirl of activity.  Most of it Jamie couldn’t understand through the pain, but she heard the nurse tell her to breathe through the oxygen mask and did what she was told.  “It’s for the baby,” the nurse explained quickly.  One nurse was trying to remove her earrings, but another nurse stopped her.  “There just isn’t time!” she hissed.  Into the IV they put some pain killer, and Jamie was borne away to a noisy place where nothing seemed to matter. 

So tired, Jamie thought.  And I hurt from head to toe!  Though her eyes were closed, she could hear that two people had entered the room.  “She’s starting to come around,” one kind voice said. 

“Mrs. Martin, you’ve had a baby girl,” said the other.  The mush in Jamie’s mind began to clear.  Baby?  Oh, yes, that’s right!  I was in the hospital in labor!  Her eyes fluttered open and she asked, “Where is she?  Is she alright?”  There was a brief pause before the nurse answered.

“She’s being tested right now, but the doctors think she’ll be fine,” the kind nurse replied. 

“Tested?!  What happened??  Ouch!” Jamie tried to move, but was instantly stopped by a sharp pain in her abdomen.

“The doctor will come in soon to tell you all about it,” the nurse replied.  “Meanwhile, you try to get some rest.  You’ve been through a lot.”  Then both nurses filed out the door, leaving Jamie to figure out what was going on through her muddled brain. 

Lord, what happened?  Why did this happen to me?  Is the baby going to be ok?  Hot tears squeezed slid down her cheeks as she tried to sort things out. 

Not only did she have to go through labor and delivery alone, but she had to have an emergency cesarean, and now she didn’t even have her baby with her!  She felt like she hadn’t even had a baby.

Suddenly it seemed as though the presence of God filled the little recovery room.  There, amongst the blinking lights, the whirring machines, and the impersonal monitors, her gracious Lord poured His love into her spirit.  His still, small voice spoke peace to her heart, as plainly as if someone had laid a nice warm blanket over her aching, weary body.  A Scripture verse ran through her numbed mind.  “When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.  For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour” (Isaiah 43:2)  She sighed and snuggled deeper into her blankets, contented in the realization that, though she was alone, she was not alone.  Her Lord was with her, and would help her through.

Moments later, she settled into a deep, restful sleep, knowing that the Lord was truly in control, and she was not alone.

…to be continued next week, Lord Willing!

HAPPY HIGHWAYS!

 

 

                          HELP FOR DEPUTATION

 

When we began deputation in 1993, we had a wonderful little book by Ernest Gambrell about deputation.  It was very good, and really helped us a lot, but unfortunately, as you can tell, I even forgot the title!  Its printing and distribution was limited, and I believe it is out of print now.

Thankfully, a new book is available now to help the missionary family as they begin on deputation:

The Deputation Manual for Missionaries

Austin Gardner and Tony Howeth

  

Austin Gardner and Tony Howeth have created a pre-field deputation manual that has helped many missionaries to discover the fundamental keys to effectively raising support. This practical, biblical approach to missions fundraising will answer your most important questions about the deputation process.

From printing your prayer cards to filling your calendar to sharing your vision, the Deputation Manual contains the tools and teaching you need to succeed in this crucial period of ministry.

 

See www.bcwe.org for more information and pricing. 

Do you suppose someday someone will write a book for missionary wives??

Tuesday’s Tips

 

 

We are back from Spring Break!  We all had a great time, especially with the guys home from college, and got tons of stuff done.  Aside from all the organizing and house cleaning that has been accomplished, I have been working on goal setting and planning.

I read the other day that, “unless a goal is written down and dated, the chances of reaching it are between 5% and 8%.”  It seems to me that that is a pretty accurate assessment of what goes on when we fail to truly plan to reach our goals.

Many of us have worthy goals and desires, but it is difficult sometimes to put those goals into bite-sized pieces.  It is even more difficult sometimes to tag a date on them. 

I am practicing on my planning by working on my son Stephen’s graduation from homeschool, coming up next month.  It all sounds so very nebulous: “plan Stephen’s graduation.”   What do I plan?  Where do I start?  How do I make sure this is ready on time?

The first thing I did was to break the whole thing into smaller pieces. 

-          Create guest list

-          Take graduation photo

-          Make invitations

-          List food and drink needed

-          List decorations needed

-          Secure location for graduation

-          Create budget for graduation

-          Mail invitations

Of course, I may need to add to this eventually, but for now that’s enough to work on!  Also, some things are being done by Stephen himself, like the photo and creating the invitations.  My job, since he’s at college again, is to get those invitations in the mail asap!

This in itself was creating a bit of high blood pressure for me, since I have a very full week and usually don’t have much spare time.  So, last night I decided to take the task and break it down into small increments, guess at how much time each step would take, and assign a deadline for the task to be done.  When I was done, my new list looked like this:

                Stephen’s graduation announcements/invitations:                             time req’d  date due:

-          Get approximate idea of number of pics and invitations needed       10 min  04-15-08

-          Take pics to Walmart and print them                                                   30 min  04-15-08

-          Print invitations (need hubby’s help)                                                    1 hr       04-16-08

-          Decide on guest list (need hubby’s help)                                             30 min  04-16-08

-          Print out guest list                                                                                15 min  04-17-08

-          Print labels                                                                                             1 hr      04-17-08

-          Post and send!                                                                                        1 hr      04-18-08

I take into account that it seems demons often inhabit printers, so I leave some leeway time there.  Also, anytime I have to go to the post office, it is a big deal, so I budget about an hour for that as well.

This way, as long as I follow the plan, these invitations SHOULD be in the mail by Friday.  We’ll see how it goes!  Anyway, without a plan, I would never get anywhere, so I think it will help!

BTW, if y’all are interested in attending, let me know!  J

OUR CURRENT READ

Since the Lord has blessed me with a patch of young ladies growing up, I thought I would take the time to study Raising Maidens of Virtue, by Stacy MacDonald. It has been a very good thing for us.

The book tells how a mother can make some memories with her daughter(s) by going through the book and making a scrapbook together. I decided that we will make something together, though I’m not sure what yet. I try to print something out for the kids to color while I read to them, and talk about the questions. The first day we made paper dolls, and every day since we have colored some very pretty pictures of castles, Victorian ladies, and sweet young maidens.

Each chapter begins with a story then applies the story, and ends with discussion questions. The information provided has been very well explained and highly thought provoking. Many of the words and sentence constructions are difficult for young children, but I find that I can explain things as I go along fairly well. Anyway, the fact that the kids are coloring at the same time keeps their hands busy while their minds listen.

My youngest is a boy, who of course is not interested in becoming a Maiden of Virtue, but he likes to color, so I print out pictures of men providing for their families or working hard. As we read, I point out to him what to look for in a future wife. It may be a little early, but I don’t think it hurts at all.

So far, this book is highly recommended!

Raub Ramblings

It has been a very busy time for us. Sunday into Monday we went to help a missionary with a construction project. Brother Blanchard and his family, missionaries to Australia and long-time friends of ours, are on furlough , and are fixing up a house for them to live in. Our church which supports them, graciously provided some funds and sent us out to help them for a bit. We were unsure as to how much we could get done in a day, but they said that we got a lot done. I think we painted two rooms, two coats each, and painted ourselves, too! Painting is much more fun with someone else – not nearly as fun by yourself, and I think that’s why it was a blessing to them.

The guys are coming back for their spring break tomorrow. They will be with us for a week, and then will head back to college. I’m really looking forward to it. We’ve been working like madmen to get some schoolwork done, not taking any breaks since January, in order to have off while they are here. My plan is to take some time off, really off, and even take a break from blogging for a week. Then, once we settle back into our nice routine after they leave, I should have lots of stuff to write about!

While they are here, we are planning on working on our bus, preparing it for the summer trip. Then we also have some things to do here around the house, like fixing the skid steer tire, making a pen for Sharon’s ducks, and some other things.

We’ve been having military families over for dinner after church almost every Sunday. That’s real blessing to all, and lots of fun.

Our neighbor, a military wife whose husband is in Iraq, came over yesterday needing help loading her 80 pound sick dog into her car to take to the vet. Unfortunately, before the vet could see it, he died, and so yesterday was spent lugging a heavy animal, digging a grave, and covering it with dirt. Today we took some rocks over to cover it some more, and she will be planting some flowers over it as well. Needless to say, I am very sore today! I am praying that the Lord will use this to continue to work to soften her heart toward the Lord.